I was asked to write a blog from the perspective of a wife to a new bride. In doing this, it allowed me to take a step back and evaluate my marriage in order to identify key principles that work for my husband and I. To my surprise, I found myself not accepting some of the items on my own list. Below are the top 7 things that work for The Greenups:
1. Keep God in your marriage
Bottom line: When God is not in your marriage it leaves room for the enemy to sneak in and create chaos. Pray for your spouse to be able to face day to day life. (An excellent book is “Power of a Praying Wife” by Stormie Omartian)
2. Happy wife…happy life
Often times I say this to my husband jokingly when I do not get my mind. However, I have found that I have to say this to myself because I do not take care of myself as I should. I have found that I get so caught up in being a good mom to my son and supportive wife to my husband that I forget to take for myself. What do I mean by taking care of myself? For example, I will make sure everyone in the house has eaten and forget to eat myself due to other items I need to get done for my home of my family. This often ends in me being sick or burnt out. When married, make sure you remind yourself to take of YOU! It is impossible to be a good wife if you are not healthy. This includes mind, body, and spirit.
3. He is who he is and will not change just because you say “I do”
Some women get so caught up in the mindset that “he will change once we are married.” WRONG! He is who he is. The same laid back demeanor and quiet disposition that my hubs has and the reason I fell for him is the same laid back demeanor and quiet disposition that works my last nerves at times. When this happens, I must take a step back and remind myself why I love this man and chose to marry him. As women we often get caught up in trying to mold and perfect things….eventually you have to let your man be who he is….flaws and all. The one thing men need to know is that you love him unconditionally with not only all his good…but with all his bad as well.
4. Forgive and let go
This point should be started off by saying “PICK YOUR BATTLES.” (I find that I am guilty of this at times.) If you find yourself always complaining about the socks he leaves in the middle of the floor, eventually he is going to get tired of hearing it….and you will be tired of saying it. Just save yourself the stress and kick the socks towards the dirty clothes hamper. Arguments should never be about right or wrong. It should be about what will encourage a healthier relationship. This is done by talking (not yelling) through issues and not only forgiving your spouse…but letting it go. By not letting go of an issue, they will fester over time and cause you to operate in your marriage as if you are in a war. Operating in your marriage as you would do in a war will cause you to look at your spouse as the enemy and not your partner. It is impossible to be happy and enjoy life when you are constantly in “defense mode.”
5. Men think differently from women
I am going on my fourth year of marriage and have been with my husband for eight years. So on top of thinking differently because he is a man, he is also left-handed!!! (My son is too and they look at me like I’m abnormal) This is one thing I struggle to understand! For instance, I have to allow him to things HIS way….no matter how much I disagree with his process of doing them. It is important to build your man up and not tear him down.
6. Men need sex AT LEAST 2-3 times a week
This means, do NOT hold sex as punishment for a disagreement or an argument. Unlike women, men NEED this release. I know…it sounds so simple. But after the wedding, when life goes back to normal and more items get added to your “To Do” list….do not forget your spouse. Date nights are a necessity.
7. HAVE FUN!!!!!!!
Marriage should be a fun, ongoing adventure. It’s easy to get so caught up in life that you forget that you married your best friend. The fun should not end because you both said “I do”.
- From one bride to another, Mrs. Greenup