wedding etiquette

#TipTuesday: Wedding Etiquette 101

WE Gone are the days where my Facebook timeline is filled with embarrassing photos of who got chocolate waste over the weekend and campus activities. Now every day I am greeted with proposals, wedding preparations and baby announcements! As exciting as this new phase of life is, it is becoming painfully aware to me that common wedding etiquette for guests and/or the bride or groom is not so common. After receiving many questions, seeing several things that made me cringe and even being unsure about a few rules myself I decided to do some research. To avoid being THAT girl/guy check out 10 Wedding Etiquette rules below.

1. Just because you are Facebook friends, does not guarantee you a wedding invite: A wedding is a very personal and sacred event, reserved for family and close friends of the couple. Just because you went to college with someone or occasionally engage in witty banter on social media does not qualify you to receive an invite. Also publically shaming said couple for the lack of an invite makes you look bad…not them. While we are on the topic…

2. Who gets an invite: After you send out your save the dates, you will probably get an influx of informal RSVPs. For those that confirm they will not be attending, there is no need to send them a formal invite. If that person happens to be Aunt Susie who you know will want to keep an invite for her scrapbook, be sure to include a note saying it’s for keepsake purposes only.

3. Plus one woe: If you knew how expensive weddings cost these days, you wouldn’t assume this is an automatic yes. Typically, the only “guaranteed” plus ones are spouses, fiancées, and live in significant others. If you are allowed a guest to accompany you to a wedding, the invitation will either state you and your significant other's name or in lieu of their name “guest”. For my single friends, if you are unsure, ask, but don’t just show up with your flavor of the month.

4. What to wear, what to wear: Most wedding invites will specify the appropriate attire for the event. If you are questioning if your powder blue suit, or crop top mini dress is considered black tie, there is this excellent tool called google that can help you out (lol). If the invite doesn’t say, stay on the safe side and leave your jordans, t-shirts, jeans, and white dresses at home.

5. Everything isn’t Facebook appropriate: While you may be super excited to post your “ussie” of you and the blushing bride on Facebook immediately after you take it, it may be against the wishes of the couple. Unless you are encouraged to post pictures on social media with a specialized hashtag, avoid posting any pictures of the couple until after they post them.

6. Bring on the Gifts: Brides, even though you are spending an insane amount of money on chicken wings per person and are expecting everyone to gift you with those $75 napkin holders you requested or the diamond encrusted skillet you NEED, guests aren’t REQUIRED to bring a gift. While it’s not in best taste to show up empty handed, manage your expectations. Keep in mind that there will be a vast range of budgets attending your wedding and register accordingly. Speaking of gifts…

7. Engagement party gifts: Engagement parties are an opportunity to congratulate the couple; gifts are not expected but will certainly be accepted. Who doesn’t like presents?! If you are dying to give the happy couple a gift, don’t you worry there will be plenty of opportunities including the bridal shower and wedding.

8. Cut the Cake: While the cake ceremony is a longstanding staple in the world of wedding receptions, it’s not one that is mandatory. If you find that tradition dated opt for a dessert table, cupcakes, or a candy bar.

9. Wedding party trade-off: Just because someone invites you to be in their wedding, does not necessarily mean you need to return the favor. If you are feeling uneasy about the situation, there are always other positions you can put them in, for example a hostess or a reader.

10. Thank you…thank you very much *in my Elvis voice*: Even though your guests wished you a lifetime of happiness, that does not mean you have a forever to send out thank you notes. You have about a three month window to send out a handwritten note, and NO an e-mail will not suffice.


11. Oh you thought that was a gift?: Tapping into your resources and hiring friends as vendors can be a great cost saving tool for couples. However, make sure everyone is clear on the terms of the agreement ahead of time. Whether you are offering your services as a gift or at a discounted rate, make sure all parties involved are well aware and PUT IT IN WRITING. The last thing you want is to your friend repoing your cake at the reception or casting you on the next episode of Judge Judy because you didn't provide her with the check she was expecting.

Source: and


The Social Media Wedding Etiquette Rules


I was on facebook the other day and came across a very interesting conversation about social media etiquette for weddings. I was shocked at all of the confusion about what was ok to post on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram etc when it came to wedding related annoucements and news. To clear up any confusion, check out the new rules of wedding etiquette below.

For the bride and groom:

Call your parents before pressing “post” or “tweet.”

  • Your close friends and family will want to hear it straight from you first. A Facebook status or tweet might be the most efficient way to get the news out, but it’s not the most personal. You know which friends and family members would appreciate to hear the news directly from you; plus, it’s likely that older family members (like your grandparents!) don’t have Facebook or Twitter accounts and could miss the message altogether.

Change your relationship status in minutes or's up to you!

  • There’s no wrong or right time -- some couples even do it at the altar! Once you tie the knot, it’s up to you and your new spouse to decide when to change your relationship status or last name on your social media sites. For some couples, this can be a very important moment; for others, it’s no big deal. So if and when you’re ready to make the change, go for it!

Post pics of your engagement ring. (Everyone can’t wait to see!)

  • But keep the nitty-gritty details like cost and carat to yourself. After you post your “engaged” status, your friends and family will be dying to find out what the ring looks like, so indulge them with a photo (you may want to prep with a manicure first!). It’s not bragging to share a pic with the exciting news. Leave out the other details, because how much it cost isn’t anyone else’s business -- the point is that it symbolizes the commitment you’re making. Everyone’s going to be checking out your hand for the first few months anyway, so make it easy for friends and family to admire from afar.

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Designate a “tweeter of honor.”

  • Enjoy your day and stay off your phone while still keeping everyone updated. Your wedding day will fly by, and if you’re focused on your phone or tablet the whole time, you’ll miss out on what’s important. Enjoy the guests who have come to celebrate with you, instead of everyone in your social media circles. Strike a balance and designate a tweeter of honor -- it could be another bridesmaid who isn’t your maid of honor (she’ll have plenty of responsibilities already!) -- to keep your social networks updated throughout the day so you won’t have to. Another option is to schedule tweets beforehand so they’re ready to go without the hassle.

Send out traditional paper invites for the main event.

  • Email invites are totally okay for pre- and postwedding parties! Paper invites are the way to go for the actual wedding day. In today’s technology-based world, where your guests receive hundreds of emails a day, a physical invite has become that much more special. That doesn’t mean you have to go over the top with an invite that sings and shoots confetti either. Simple card stock and laser printing will do the trick. A paperless invite for the rehearsal dinner or morning-after brunch is a great option (especially if you want to cut down on stationery costs). Just because the invites are electronic doesn’t mean they won’t have style or be personal to you. There are plenty of sites that let you customize e-invites so that they’ll look beautiful and unique to you.

For the guests:

Wait to publicly post your congratulations.

  • If the couple hasn’t made the announcement, then you shouldn’t spill the big news for them. It’s exciting when you’re the first to find out your best friend or sister is getting married, but hold off on the public congrats until they’re ready to share the news themselves. They might be waiting for an important reason (like they haven’t even told their parents yet!), and there could be hard feelings involved if others find out they weren’t in-the-know first.

Private message any wedding planning questions.

  • It can be awkward for the couple’s other Facebook friends who weren’t invited. If you want to discuss wedding plans with the bride or groom, then it’s polite to do it in a private way. The couple may have hundreds of Facebook friends who aren’t on the invite list, and it’s not fair if each and every detail comes up on their news feed. Brides especially love to share wedding planning details, and she’ll appreciate a friendly ear to listen if you call to find out how it’s going. This is a busy time for the couple too, so don’t be offended if they don’t keep you up to date on every single detail!

Share pics of the bride and groom.

  • But respect their request if they ask you not to post photos before they do. It’s great that you want to show what a great wedding the couple threw and Instagram the cake and the flowers. Some couples may want to wait to share photographic details of the wedding until they have photos from their professional photographer, so you should respect their choice. If you’re worried about whether you’re in the clear with posting photos, then wait until a close friend or family member of the couple does so first. Then you’ll know if it’s okay to post away!

Leave the phone in your purse or pocket.

  • Posting occasionally is okay, but the couple invited you to celebrate their day, not sit there on your phone. The couple spent a lot of time planning an event that you would enjoy, so don’t spend the entire time on your phone posting about the wedding -- go have some fun! It’s okay to share the love a few times, but you shouldn't opt out of hitting the dance floor in favor of tweeting a play-by-play. Plus, having a phone or tablet out all the time can get in the way of photos, and no one wants to look back on their wedding day to see a guest more engaged with a device than their reception.

Follow directions for the RSVP.

  • The couple’s inboxes are already full of wedding-related details; a text, email or DM is likely to get lost in the mix. Most paper invitations will include an RSVP card with an addressed envelope to send it back in, and couples will look for and expect responses by mail (before the deadline!). If you lose the card, then it’s okay to call and find out how the couple would prefer you to RSVP once you know whether you’ll be attending.

Source: The New Rules of Wedding Etiquette