So you just got married! Your wedding (planned by Favored by Yodit Events of course) is over. Cake tastings, tuxedo fittings and table settings are a thing of the past. Its now time to start your new life with your new wife! Here are some tips on how to insure a smooth transition into married life. Always remember boys, happy wife, happy life!
“Ultimately the bond of all companionship, whether in marriage or in friendship, is conversation.” — Oscar Wilde (poet)
What You Say
- Build a foundation of trust. Agree that if either of you ever say “do you promise” after a questions is asked that nothing but the truth will follow… no matter how tough the question is. You both need to agree that it’s okay to share even the hardest things with each other.
- Know the power of your words. The way you phrase things to her can make all the difference. Try to focus on the positive aspects of a difficult situation, and build from there.
- Make communication a conversation. Don’t just dump information on her. Be sure to provide opportunities for her to ask questions (ex. One of my co-workers mentioned something really interesting to me today…)
- Don’t talk like you’re placing an order. Phrase your communication in a way that not only tells her what you want, but does it in a way that also asks for her permission.
- Discuss the importance of time with friends. It’s healthy to have some relationships and activities that are not shared. Spending time with other people and doing other things helps you appreciate the time you do spend together.
- Share why you need some alone time. Make it VERY clear that you’re not making excuses to spend time apart from her. Before scheduling this kind of time, have a conversation about how important it is for both of you to have this, and the best way to ask for it.
- Never lie to avoid a fight. Doing this will just make you distant, and potentially create a future disagreement that gets blown way out of proportion due to unresolved feelings.
- Don’t just apologize after an argument. Instead of feeling good about being the bigger person just because you were the first one to say “I’m sorry”, try asking her why she was frustrated. Knowing this should help to alleviate everything instead of just sweeping it under the rug.
- Ask really good questions. Don’t just limit it to work, but include questions about what’s been on her mind. Make time for this every day.
- Discuss how to handle working with opposite sex co-workers. This includes working late hours, traveling or even working over lunch. These are all very common, so let your wife know when these activities will be happening. Also, talk about the steps you plan to take in order to keep it “strictly business”. This will build a lot of trust in the relationship.
- Share all your mistakes with her, and genuinely ask for forgiveness. This shows her that you can recognize and openly admit your faults, which will enable your relationship to continue in a positive direction.
- Establish your married relationship as a “new” family. Talk over the details together, and communicate your feelings right away with each of your parents. This will help establish necessary boundaries with them, and show how serious you are about making your relationship a top priority.
- Share what you’re in charge of managing. Be sure to share what you feel needs to be done to effectively manage each task, as well as including her when any major decisions need to be made.
- Talk each night. Each of you should take the time to share your day, what’s on your mind (especially the intimate details) and include some talk about a fun activity you will be doing together in the future. Try to do this when you first get home, or on a walk after dinner. It’s really important to reconnect this way.
- Maintain a healthy level of interest. If the interest level of the listener is fading, it’s probably because they don’t know the point of the conversation. If you both try to share the main point of your story first (then offer the supporting details), it should increase the listener’s level of interest.
What You Do
- Don’t be a coach or umpire; be her fan. Life is the big game, and being in the position to root her on will score you the biggest points. This will build her confidence, and at the same time put you in her cheering section and not the one calling the game (you know how people in those positions can make you mad).
- Just listen. Generally, she just wants someone to listen. If she does want advice, she’ll ask for it. By waiting for her to ask, your response will more than likely be appreciated. Just be sure to ask enough questions, so that you fully understand the situation before sharing your thoughts.
- Plan activities that build your friendship. The more interactive activities you do together, the more you’ll have to talk about.
- Hug your wife at least three times a day. While you do this, tell her how much you love her and how wonderful or beautiful she is. This should increase her emotional connection and deepen her level of trust with you.
- Make sure the timing is right. Certain times of day are going to be better for communication. If she’s not a morning person, let her initiate the conversation. If it’s an emotional topic, she may just need some time before she’s ready to open up.
- Focus on the issue during a fight. Don’t attack each other’s character. Instead, focus on the problem when venting your frustration. Try to see the other person’s point of view, and work from there to resolve everything.
- Agree that it’s okay to disagree. Acknowledging where she’s coming from doesn’t mean you agree with her. Just respect any differences you many have.
- Pick the right environment for an emotional conversation. If she’s comfortable, not threatened and in a private place… then the chance of your conversation going well drastically improves.
- Develop a plan for reconnecting. It’s hard to figure out what to do when you’re already feeling distant, so already having a plan in place will make it a lot easier to get close again.
- Be silly with each other. We all need to stay pretty serious at work, so it’s important to relax in this way with her.
- Pray for one another, as a couple, every day. Whether it’s part of your faith or not, this simple act will help you dedicate some time to really focusing your minds on each other – strengthening your marital bond.